Night Court is one of the most beloved sitcoms ever, and now that it’s back on primetime, there’s no better time to reminisce on the funniest quotes from the series. These Night Court quotes, from Harry Stone’s goofy capers to Dan Fielding’s smarmy quips and beyond, will remind you why you loved the original show and get you even more excited for the next installment of the reboot series.
Related: The Cast of the Original Night Court Then and Now
Night Court Quotes
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“I have stood next to death and people liked him better.” — Dan Fielding
NBC via Getty Images/Parade
“If you weren’t born, Walt Disney would have to draw you.” — Dan Fielding to Judge Harry T. Stone
NBC via Getty Images/Parade
“If I had a dime for every woman…” — Judge Harry T. Stone
“You could make a phone call.” — Dan Fielding
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“You know, one of my college roommates actually contracted rabies. He died soon after. Got run over while chasing a car. Just kidding. He died of rabies.” — Dan Fielding
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“Oh I got married in an Italian restaurant! What could possibly be more idiotic?” — Christine Sullivan
“A chicken and waffle joint comes to mind.” — Dan Fielding
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“Un-dirty-word-believable!” — Mac Robinson
Related: Everything to Know About the Night Court Reboot
“The Big Apple needs a worm like Fielding!” — Phil Sanders
“If you think I’m cleaning that up, you’re out of your mind.” — Selma Hacker
“Bull has got himself a girlfriend.” — Mac Robinson
Really? Animal, mineral or vegetable? — Dan Fielding
“Your Honor, according to witnesses, Miss Congeniality led the attack with a kick to the groin.” — Dan Fielding
“May I say that even though the able Judge Stone is still on vacation, your sense of sure, swift justice, along with that haunting fragrance has more than filled the void.” — Dan Fielding
“Oh, don’t worry, Your Honor. I’m just having one of those dreams where you show up to work in your underwear.” — Bull Shannon
“Bull, this isn’t a dream.” — Judge Harry T. Stone
“It’s not? Yikes!” — Bull Shannon
“That wasn’t herb tea—that was Herb!” — Judge Harry T. Stone
Related: Melissa Rauch on What Fans Will Love About the Night Court Reboot
Richard Moll as Nostradamus “Bull” Shannon, Selma Diamond as Bailiff Selma Hacker, Harry Anderson as Judge Harold “Harry” T. Stone, Karen Austin as Lana Wagner, Paula Kelly as Public Defender Liz Williams, John Larroquette as Daniel R. “Dan” Fielding in “Night Court”
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“I would like to cite the precedent of Becker v. Bomb In My Briefcase to illustrate the point.” — Dan Fielding
“I bet I know what you’re doing! Reading the fire safety guidelines. Don’t worry, I won’t give away the ending.” — Bull Shannon
“Breathing can be a hard habit to kick.” — Roz
“What kind of excuse is ‘bushed?'” — Dan Fielding
“I finally got that computer problem cleared up. I just took all that air traffic control stuff and wiped it right off the screen.” — Mac Robinson
“I’m Dan Fielding. I’m tall, I’m a lawyer, I drive an expensive car. Do you believe in destiny? I do.” — Dan Fielding
Related: The Surprising Reason John Larroquette Starred in Night Court
“I can honestly say that I have never met anyone like Dan. He is truly one of a kind.” — Christine Sullivan
“You may be younger, you may be faster, you may even be smarter. But you will never, ever, be crazier than me.” — Judge Harry T. Stone
“It’s time for The Littlest Lawyer to meet the Big Bad Bailiff.” — Roz
“Be grateful it was your mouth.” — Dan Fielding
“Move, or I will invent The Human Pretzel.” — Bull Shannon
Harry Anderson as Judge Harold “Harry” T. Stone, Charles Robinson as Macintosh “Mac” Robinson, John Larroquette as Daniel R. “Dan” Fielding, Markie Post as Christine Sullivan, Marsha Warfield as Rosalind ‘Roz’ Russell, Richard Moll as Nostradamus “Bull” Shannon in “Night Court”
NBC/Getty Images
Related: John Larroquette Got Paid in Marijuana For This Iconic Movie
“But I’m feeling much better now!” — Buddy Ryan
“I gave blood. That’s as far as it goes.” — Bull Shannon
“I know every nook and cranny a body could fit into in this place.” — Dan Fielding
“She is to comedy what Roy Rogers is… to comedy.” — Judge Harry T. Stone
“What do you mean ‘what did they look like?’ They looked like killers! They were mean-lookin’ and they had noses and they had dark suits!” — Dan Fielding
“That’s the kind of failure I can only dream about.” — Phil Sanders
Next, find out Night Court reboot star Melissa Rauch’s net worth.